This morning I woke up loving myself more than anyone else, knowing that this is the love I won’t regret giving.
Dim the lights, do not turn it off. Make it just enough to see yourself inside your room. Turn on your speaker and max the bass. Play your jam the music that can loosen your body, the music that seem to be part of your sexuality. Listen and loosen. Move your fingers, strech your neck. Feel the urge to strech, relax and flex. Observe your mind and body as it moves with the music. Run your fingers through your body. Caress yourself and admire your own beauty. Move towards your own choreography. Be aware of what you want, when you want and where you want. Give it to yourself. Build it up. Feel the power of your own touch. Feel the sheets on your skin, the softness of the pillow, the movement of your bed and the energy of your own sexuality. Your body is a gift. It can unfold phenomenon you are not aware of. Follow its natural movement. All this energy would go into your center. You will want to touch yourself but at the same time delay the pleasure cause the movement towards the center is mind blowing. You feel so much freedom and a sense of ownership.
As your body agrees with all that you offered; the music, the vibration, the movement, the beat, the touch, the sight, the smell, and all that there is; you will grant your wish. Fingers will start tracing the way to your center where there is warmth and softness. Your hands will do its trick and choreography that no one else knows how to do. You will give yourself the gift that is exactly what you want and how you want it.
You’ll start dancing with your hands and fingers along the slippery dance floor. The grace of every stroke and movement is perfectly in sync with every atom of your body. You will keep on loving yourself by giving and agreeing to what you desire. You will not stop cause you know when you want to and when you need to. You will pleasure the universe with the art you’re creating; the sound of pleasure, the dance of love and the passion. And when you’re done, you’re body, mind and spirit will collapse as the universe collapse with you!
What you just did is not masterbation, it is a celebration and artistic sexpression.
The moment I would not wish to happen again.
The moment that should have never happened.
The moment that could never be the same.
The moment I wish to forget and wish to always remember without pain.
The moment the universe is US.
The moment where there’s no you and me, only we.
The moment I now hate so much cause I loved you too fast.
The moment I hoped I died after cause I know I could have died the happiest.
The moment that I fell down a never ending cliff.
The moment that bugs became so romantic.
The moment that you can never duplicate or replicate.
The moment that time should have stopped without going back.
The moment I’m sure of everything I am not.
The moment of ultimate silence and chaos.
The moment of beginning and eternity.
The moment of instant high.
The moment when words seem to vanish.
The moment of nothing mixed with everything.
The moment that is original.
The moment of truth and honesty.
The moment of creation.
The moment that all my senses agreed with every part of yours.
The moment the unknown became known.
The moment of wisdom, knowledge and passion.
The moment of realness.
The moment that seem to have its own copyright and trademark.
The moment that seem to be fabricated from a movie but is originally copied from us.
The moment when all the words in every language seem to describe it but at the same time it is still not enough.
The moment of LOVE that could have lasted a lifetime but now there’s none.
Sabi nila ang mata ang bintana sa iyong kaluluwa.
Oo! Ang mata ang tahimik na katotohanan. Di nito kailangan ng salita para sabihin ang nais ng isang tao.
Ang mata ay may matinding kapangyarihan. Sa isang sulyap maari ka nitong tunawin na parang yelo sa disyerto. Sa isang titig maaari ka nitong basagin nang paulit-ulit!
At isa sa pinakamatindi nitong kakayahan ang paibigin ka! Paibigin ka ng walang kalaban -laban. Yung tipong kahit iyong labanan sangga mo’y sadyang nawawalan ng kalakasan. Yung kahit pilit mong kalimutan kung paano ka nya tiningnan itinattoo na nya sa iyong puso at isipan. Parang droga na gusto mong balikan kasi nakita mo sa mga mata nyo na sa laki ng kawalan nasa inyo pala ang kalawakan.
Sa sobrang linaw ng tadhana sa inyong mga mata naniwala ka at buong puso’t kaluluwa kang sumuko! Oo tangina! Sumuko ako. Yung pagsukong walang atrasan, walang bawian!
Tapos na ang laban. Ibaba na ang sandata at itaas ang puting tela. Oo pag-ibig nanalo ka na!
Puso ko’y sayang-saya sa bawat oras na kapiling sya. Sa bawat segundong sa kanyang mga mata nakikita ko ang wagas at walang kapantay na ligaya. Ligayang tila ang bukas ay ngayon at ang ngayon ay bukas. Sabi ko, Panginoon, siya na nga!
Siya na nga ba?
Di ko alam kung saang dako nagsisulputan at nagsimulang dumating ang mga katunungan. Katanungang walang kasagutan. Unti-unti akong naligaw sa lalim ng aking pagkakahulog sa aming paghubog ng sarili naming mundo.
Bakit parang biglang nagkaroon ng hamog sa pagitan ng aming pagtitinginan. Hamog na tila nagpalabo sa dating malinaw na pagkakasuyod namin sa kalawakan. Di ko mawari kung bakit, kung ano, at kung paano ang mga balintataw namin ay tila ba minulto.
Kitang-kita kong hindi ko na makita ang dating tamis ng pagtingin nya sa bawat guhit ng aking mga mata. Di ko matanggap kung bakit nagbago na. Bakit ang kalawakan na aming binuo ngayo’y gumuguho.
Asan ka na? Asan na ang kapangyarihan ng iyong mata! Ibalik mo na. Pakiusap ibalik mo na. Patumbahin mo kong muli sa pamamagitan ng iyong titig! Kung maari nga’y patayin mo ako ng paulit-ulit.
Pakiusap tingnan mo naman ako!